Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

What is it you want? A simple question, but not so easy to answer, really. We often end up saying things that reflect things was want to eliminate instead focusing on what we would like to see happen.

This is not a new concept, we have heard a lot about this concept lately. Yet, I am not sure that we fully realize it's implication or possibilities that come from it. You might say, oh, that’s just the positive thinking thing again. Actually, it is not just about positive thinking. It is about redirective thinking.

And really, it is really simple. Whenever you find yourself slipping into a negative mode, rephrase it from the negative you see, to the positive you want. Then take it a step further. Ask yourself, what can I do, or what am I doing about it. What steps am I taking to make the thing I want to happen. That does not mean getting caught up in the worry of trying to figure out what you need to do, it is just thinking of something positive you can do to work towards it. If the thing you do does not make it happen, no worries, just adjust and keep moving.

When you are not happy about something, ask yourself, "What do I want to see happen?" then ask "What can I do to make it happen?" or "What will it take to have this happen?"

Sometimes it is just a matter of letting it happen. Sometimes there are different steps you can take to facilitate it. Whatever, be appreciative of the process. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in fear, anger, blame or belittlement. If you fall down on your face, get up and try again. Overcome the need/desire/temptation to wallow in self pity.

You don't like to see how women are treated. Instead of focusing on the suffering women may have had to face, ask yourself the question, "What do I want to see?" The answer might be, "Women treated with respect." What does that look like? What steps can you take to help it happen?

Some women like to rant and rave about how bad women have had it in the past, and I say what good does that do? The past is past. We are here and now. I am a woman. I don't spend time and energy complaining and ranting and raving about how men have treated them. I choose to see the other women as the powerful beings they are. Not because they are women, but because they are. I have chosen to not see myself as someone down trodden and abused, because I am only that if I choose to see myself as that.

I want to do things in and with my life. I see myself doing those things. It doesn't matter to me if I am a woman, I just choose to do them, and I do. I am not special because of this, I just am.

And, being a woman, or a person with a challenge of any sort, I may come to decision of how I want to think/live/be that works for me. Others may not agree with what I am saying which can sometimes be frustrating. They may not like or understand me or my stand. It is worthwhile for me to listen, because we can always learn, but what is more important is that I feel strongly about myself and my view to not worry about what others think. If what I want bothers them, that is their problem, not mine. I do not have to make them agree or be on my side. All I need to do is be the best me I can.

Today, I was wandering around on the web. I came across a video where a black woman was asking how could she prepare her son for going to school where he was going to be learning about slavery and Martin Luther King. She said that as she was speaking to her son, she could see a look come over his face as he started to take in what she said, a look of disbelief and pain. She felt horrible, but she felt that it was an important part of their heritage, and that he should know what had happened to his people, and one of the greats who had worked so hard to change things for the better.

The response, in essence was, why do you continue to look back at the horror. Why not discuss Martin Luther King the light of the vision of his dream, not what he was fighting against. She was being encouraged to live life how she wants it to be, instead of always comparing it against what had been.

I thought this was a marvelous way of looking at it. You don’t ignore the horror of life, but at the same time, you don't give it any energy to continue. You choose that you want it to be another way, and move in that direction.

There is the idea that if we don't think about the mistakes of the past, we are doomed to repeat them. Well, I say, be aware of where you came from, but don’t live there. Put your energy on where you want to go and be. To get to where you want to be, look, act, feel move in that direction and never again look back over your shoulder to where you came from.

If something is not the way you want it to be, focus on how you want it to be in a spirit of joy and appreciation, to change things for the better. Do it for you, not for anyone else, without feeling the need to change others. Maybe other need to change, but that is not up to you to make happen.

If you find yourself in a state of grumpiness, check yourself to see what you are still trying to prove and change. If you are still trying to change others to believe as you believe, you need to examine your thoughts and ideas.

This is all great and fine, but what if the situation involves the safety of someone who is not in a position to help themselves, like small children. We can't just sit by and let it happen. Again, don't focus on what is wrong, instead ask the question, "How do I want to see it be and what can I do to make it happen?"

As Gandi said "You must be the change you want to see in the world."

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Around the Kitchen Table with Donna

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