There She Goes Again!

My husband says I am insane. Mind you, when he says that, he has a smile on his face that seems to say that he rather likes that about me. You see, I am always coming up with new schemes and ideas of things I want to do. I don't think he is the only one that questions my sanity. Every time I start a new project, my friends just roll their eyes and say "There she goes again". I have tried so many things, with varying degrees of success. Well, I guess that depends on your definition of success.

Once I got the idea that I wanted to become a school bus driver. I figured it would be perfect for a young mother with pre-school children. I could work, make some money, and take my children with me. I applied for the job, was trained, made three attempts to get my bus drivers license, and then was ready to go. However, it did not hit me until my first day of real work a major flaw with my plan. The bus was packed full the kids. Big one, tiny ones, slimy ones and so forth. And I hated children. Well, my kids were OK, but the others... So there I was, on the bus full of nasty bratty monsters that I had to chauffeur around. It was hell!

My one ray of sunshine is a memory of one sweet little girl. She looked up at me, put her small hands around my arm, quickly kissed it, and then ran out of the bus to her waiting mother. I guess kids are not all that bad, after all.

I did that for a few months, and then I had to quite because we moved to another part of the country. Sweet salvation! I still have nightmares about it.

Then there was the time I decided I was going to sell vacuum cleaners. Yes, I became a dreaded vacuum cleaner sales rep. I had been given a demonstration of a most wonderful machine and really wanted to get one for myself, but couldn't afford it. So I figured if I sold them, maybe I could make enough money to buy one. Because of this, I talked myself into leasing a car so I could get around. Here I am in the hole before I even started. Our training consisted on my talking a bunch of friends into letting my sponsors try and talk them into buying one. Nobody bought one. Finally, I went out to do some presentations on my own. On my second presentation, the friend I was presenting to thought it was a good machine, but was it really worth the hefty price tag. It hit me that they were not. Another not so happy ending.

I tried to help finances by becoming a pizza delivery person. It was not too bad of a job, I was able to work nights so that my husband could take care of then. I even got a free pizza now and then. It was one of those deliver in 30 minutes or it is free deals. One night I was off doing my thing, delivering a pizza to some university students. Just as I was getting close to the destination, I ran out of gas. I had to call my manager for help. I finally delivered the pizza, which by now was cold and of course, free. The next night, when I came in to work, there was a message on the board saying to make sure that all drivers always had a full tank of gas. Thankfully he didn't name names, but I got the message.

I have also been a corner store clerk, hospital TV rental rep, assembly line worker, waitress, admin assistant, and even worked at Tim Horton's.

I have always had a lot of interests and trying new hobbies. It became a dream to someday take one of my hobbies and start a business and make money with something I loved. Once it was ceramics (yes, I could make lovely butter dishes and sell them), butter tarts (All day Friday making dozens of tarts, then going early in the morning to the local farmers market to sell), woodworking (I will make beautiful furniture, and sell them for fun and profit), dolls (I purchased a kit, which promised I just had to make these easy and much sought after dolls, and the company would sell them for me. I began to question this when I found the head was made of a block of 2/4, covered in a white sock).
I have been talked into all sorts of schemes, with promises of wonderful gains, if I just listened and put my trust and money on others who promised me wonders beyond imagination. My efforts included being a Tupperware dealer, an independent travel agent, health supplements and insurance. None of these were my cup of tea. Many years and MLM schemes later, I am a wiser, though somewhat financially challenged person.

When personal computers were just becoming the rage, I convinced myself that I should invest in one. I figured, after I learned how to turn it on, I could hire myself out to do word processing. I got my first client, a university student who was under pressure to get a paper in. As it turns out, I didn't know the program as well as I thought I did. Let's just say I didn't even charge the poor guy for the pitiful job I did.

Then a friend and I decided to try a mail order business. We found a guy who wanted us to promote his investment newsletter. We would get paid for every person we hooked. We got ourselves a joint bank account, put in an ad and waited for the money to roll in. I think we made one sale, which we never did get paid for.

Not to be quitters, we decided to put together a cook book. We created all sorts of recipes, and I used my computer to type them up. We sold about 300 copies, mostly to our mothers who bought them and gave them away to friends and relatives.

Although I did not success in having a profitable Word processing business, I did learn how to type well, so I managed to get a decent job as an admin assistant. One of my major tasked was to implement corrections to manuscripts. As I plodded through the documents in Word perfect, I saw a new desire and dream emerge from the recesses of my brain. I now wanted to become a desk top publisher. Yes, that was the ticket. All I had to do was become a DTPer, and all my problems would be solved. For a while, that is all I wanted to do. I talked about it, planned, dreamed, hoped.

Then, out of the blue, I was offered a job as Publications Manager. I didn't even know how to do it. You can imagine how I panicked. Well, I jumped in, learned as I ran and did a pretty good job, if you don't look at the time I put the satellite picture of earth on the cover upside down. I looked right to me, but my boss was not too impressed. After a few years of that, I again got tired and craved something new.

The next latest and greatest idea was to become a computer programmer. I had dabbled with it in the past, and really enjoyed it, but was not good enough to be hired. So I talked myself into taking a year off, going head over heels in debt, and becoming a geek. I got a job with the government. Yes, I was now programmer analyst. At first, the job was great. The project I was on was fascinating, and I learned so much through the experience. Then the project went into maintenance mode, which was soooo boring! Time to move on to something else.

I now wanted to become a professional public speaker. I wanted to travel the world talking for a living. This was perfect for me, as talking is one of my favorite things in the world. I approached someone in the field for advice. I waited with batted breath to hear her words of wisdom. My future was in her hands. She looked at me and said “Find something you like to talk about, and then find someone who is willing to pay you to talk about it.” What! That was it. That was all she had to share?

Though somewhat disappointed, I began to think about what my topic would be. I came up with the brilliant idea of Happiness. I decided to write a book on the topic. I figured that writing and research would do me good, and at the very least I would have something to leave my children, and the very best, I would be a published author (wait a minute, I already had published my cookbook, which was sitting and gathering dust on the book shelfs of all my mother's friends house)

Yes, Happiness was the ticket, the latest and greatest thing. I joined the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers (CAPS), read books, listened to countless tapes, was ready and raring to go. Through CAPS, I got an audition to a computer training company and got the job. I was now an independent contractor, teaching something I loved, learning the trade, being my own boss but what I really wanted to do was talk about happiness.

Eventually I did get a few gigs at meetings and a few conferences, even an national conference held in Toronto. I was on my way. Someday, I would finish that book, along with the Adirondack chair in the basement, the sweater for my nephew in the cupboard, and the dolls in the basement... Any day now, Ellen DeGeneres and Oprah will be calling me to come on their show. Hey, don't look at me that way, it could happen!

Either I would try something and fail at it, or succeed but then get tied of it and move on the next latest and greatest craze. After a while, I began to see myself as a failure. Why did I always seem to fall on my face? Why did I not focus on one thing and get it done? Why did I have such a short attention span? What was wrong with me? One of my friends went so far as to joke that he thought I may have a mental problem, though I am not sure if it was all in jest.

So you can see I was getting pretty down on myself over this and beginning to question myself and whether I was right in the head. I pictured myself one of those sad creatures that never gets anywhere in life, always dreaming schemes and the just failing. Like poor Ol' Gil Gunderson on the Simpsons.

And yet, now I look back over my life and no longer see any failure. I see a wonderful array of experiences and abilities built. I realize that my life is my own responsibly. I tried too hard and too long to find the fulfillment of my dreams in someone else's promises. I am learning to life on my own terms, be the best that I can be and embrace what some may consider my failures. They are part me, and nothing to be ashamed of.

My book is almost complete and all of these experiences have come together to help me to make this accomplishment. Being a speaker has given me the opportunity to write speeches about my life's ups and downs which has made me a better writer. The story of my “failures” have been great bases for the content of the book. Because I became a good typist, I was able to do the typing and editing myself. My experience on computers has helped me to be able to do my own layout, design my cover and other promotional items, created my own website and newsletter and build my own database to track expenses. My sales jobs have prepared me to find ways to promote it. Almost everything I have done over my life has prepared me to take full control of this project, and see it to completion.

Oh, and by the way, I have started a new business. I call it Sassy Sunflower Books. With everything I have learned about books and the printing business, I figured why not start my own micro publishing company that will help me promote my book, as well as give me a vehicle to help others. It is an exciting adventure.

I now see that my life was not a series of failures, but a wonderful journey towards this point of marvelous creation. I constantly celebrate with a heart full of joy and gratitude all that I have done and accomplished. It didn't matter if I didn't always get the job done, or that I can't stay doing one thing for long. I love to learn, experience and grow. That is who I am, and I rejoice in it. I can hardly wait to see what comes next.