Focus on What You Want

My sister use to say I was too honest for my own good. I thought she was kidding me, but I am coming to believe there is some truth to it. Though I hate deceit and lying, that’s not say I have never done it. I have to admit I have and I am ashamed when I succumb to it.

The problem with being too honest is that I look at the good and bad in everything. When I have an experience, I will analyze it (often overanalyze it). I may say “That was fun, I enjoyed that because of this, and this and this”. However, I don’t stop there. The honest part of me kicks in and I start to vocalize what I didn’t like. So, for a period of time I am focusing on what I don’t want.

Honesty is a good thing, right? It most certainly is! So, when I talk like this, I like to think I am being totally honest about the situation, when maybe, the reality is that I am justifying the opportunity to complain.

There is a lot of talk about thinking positive, and focusing on what you want and not what you don’t want. Some people say that what you focus on expands, so if you focus on what is bad, you will get more of it. If you focus on what you want, you will get more of that. When I am stating, however innocently, about what I don’t like about a situation, then I am going to get more of it.

I have struggled with this part of me. How do I overcome this urge to share the negatives of my experience, and still be true to my honesty and integrity?

Reality is you can’t ignore the nasty in your life, or in the world around you, but you can take part in the solution. Though saying positive thoughts may not solve all your problems, they can help to shape your beliefs. If you have strong healthy beliefs about yourself and the world around you, your thoughts will reflect that. All of these concepts can work together to balance your mindset. If you have a positive mindset and outlook, you are in a better frame of mind and creativity to find solutions to the problems.

Once I went for training to develop my skills as an IT instructor. We had to do mini demos of our teaching style and technique. Afterwards, we were evaluated and feedback was given to help us improve our performance.

We were told that in giving feed back, we were to never tell the recipient what they did wrong or what we didn’t like. Instead, we were told that we had to start off by sharing with the individual what we liked best about what they did. After we shared as much as we could and helped encourage the person, we then were to proceed to the areas to improve.

It was to be stated in a positive manner. We were to say “Next time, how about trying this…” We would give the person an idea of how to take something we thought they could improve on, and do it better.

So instead of saying “You should not look at your notes so much”, we would say “Next time try looking at the audience more and maintaining good eye contact with them.”

This not only gave a positive swing to the feedback, but also makes it in the future, implying that there would be a next time. Instead of making the person feel bad by saying, “You looked at your notes too much”, which was in the past and points to what you felt they did wrong, we looked to the future with the expectation that they are doing well and next time would be better, as well as giving them some ideas about how to go about it.

It is more powerful to be for something, then against it. Mother Theresa was once asked to join and anti-war rally. She responded no. She then continued that if they were ever going to have a peace rally, she would be there.

I got thinking about all this, and how it could be applied to my daily life. I want to think positively, I want to change my beliefs, and I want to focus on what I want, not what I don’t want. At the same time, I don’t want to turn a blind eye and ignore what bothers me, because it bothers me for a reason, and needs to be addressed.

Through using the evaluation technique I learned, I can evaluate my experiences with honesty. I can state what I really liked about the experience or event, and when I get to the parts I didn’t like, and can find a forward looking way of looking at it. Instead of saying, “I didn’t like the way I handled ____…,” I will say “Next time, I am going to be more sensitive and thoughtful, as I …”.

If you have a hard time thinking of an alternative course of action, express it as you would like it to be. Michael Losier, author of “The Law of Attraction” (www.lawofattractionbook.com) says that in order get yourself into the positive vibrations, you should make statements like this “I love knowing that my ideal ___ is … “, or “I’m excited at the thought of… “ or “I love how it feels when I… “. Saying these statements allows you to be honest and at the same time, focusing on what you want to bring into your life.

Or, how about playing make believe. Create a Vision Book. Mike Dooley, author of the book “Notes from the Universe” (www.tut.com) suggests you create a book and fill it with pictures of places and things you want in your life. Write letters of thank you yourself, creating a mindset of what it would feel to have had the think you want already accomplished.

For instance, if you want to take part in a play, write a letter to yourself from the manager of the play, thanking you for all your hard work, and how your participation make the play such a success.

Fill it with all sorts of imagery of how you want your life to be, things that make you feel good and then look at it every day for at least 10 minutes and day dream. Make sure it stirs and excites you with the joy when you look at it. Keep it fresh, often replacing items that no longer ignite your joy with something new.

Not only will this keep your outlook and mindset positive and happy, but it will help you to move closer to achieving you goals.

These techniques may seem too simple to really be effective, but often it is those simple concepts that are the most powerful. So next time you are tempted to be negative, take a look at the thought. Your statement will reflect something in you or your life that you don’t like or don’t want. Stop and rephrase it to say what you would prefer to happen. Concentrate on thinking of ways you can make it happen. State in the future, the next time scenario and watch how your life changes.